Some Very Tasteless Pre-trip
humour for your benefit!!
16 Pre-Trip Preparations
The following pre-trip exercises will help
you get in the mood so that when you get there, you can just hit the ground
skiing (or hopefully not!!).
16. Visit your local butcher and pay €30 to sit
in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two €50
notes to warm up.
15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head
before you go to bed each night.
13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
12. Throw away a hundred euro note - now!!
11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your
ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend
you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed
ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into
you at high speed.
7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying €8.50 for a hamburger.
Be sure you are in the longest line.
6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
5. Drive slowly for five hours, anywhere, as long as it's in a snowstorm
and you're following an 18 wheeler.
4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into
3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them
off because you have to go to the bathroom.
2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for
the real thing!
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to
go to the bathroom.
No facilities nearby, she found a sheltered area, dropped her pants and
proceeded to relieve herself.
Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards, out into the
open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and
broke her leg.
The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. The doctor walked into
Laughing hysterically, he said, "You're not going to believe this,
but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke
his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!"
As he began to compose himself, he asked, "So, how did you break